Cheating Spouses

In today’s world Infidelity and affairs are a growing phenomenon. According to firsttoknow.com most men and women, 74% and 68% respectively, would cheat if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. A survey from August 2012 found that 66 percent of people think infidelity is most likely to happen at a work-related event. This has a significant impact on families and lives in the US.

 

Extramarital Affairs Prevalence and Acceptance

Extramarital affairs are top of the list of morally unacceptable items for most Americans. The Global Society Survey finds that 80.8% of respondents said that sex with a person other than the spouse is always wrong (2012). A 2013 Gallup survey4 lists “married men and women having an affair” as morally wrong for 91% of respondents, with moral acceptance at only 6%.The same study for 20145 confirms the result, with 7% considering extramarital affairs as morally acceptable.

A Pew 2014 global study finds similar results, with 84% finding extramarital affairs unacceptable as compared to 22% in the case of divorce. Though is hard to assess how often infidelity actually happens, there are still available estimates based on self-reported values. According to the latest data from the National Opinion Research Centre’s General Social Survey, the number of men admitting to extramarital affairs in 2010 is 21.6% while the number of women reporting the same, 14.7%.

 

The percent of married men who have strayed at least once during their married lives 22%, while the percent of married women who have strayed at least once during their married lives is 14%. Moreover, the percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional adds up to 41%.

The most consistent data over time on infidelity come from the General Social Survey (National Science Foundation / University of Chicago), which has used a national representative sample to track the opinions and social behaviors of Americans since 1972. The survey data show that in any given year, about 10 percent of married people — 12 percent of men and 7 percent of women — say they have had sex outside their marriage. The GSS method is based on face-to-face interviews.

Difference of Opinion based on Source

However, the prevalence of infidelity was found to vary as a function of the actual method of assessing infidelity (2007). There were significant differences found between results based on a face-to-face interview versus a computer assisted self-interview. Annual prevalence of extramarital affairs was much smaller on the basis of the face-to-face interview: (1.08%) than on the computer-assisted self-interview (6.13%) for married women. Over 5.5 times more women admitted they had extramarital affairs when answering a self-interview vs. answering a face-to-face interview. Prevalence estimates for infidelity seem to vary depending upon how much they are influenced by social desirability which is likely to be large in a face-to-face interview relative to an anonymous self-report questionnaire.

This study’s findings underscore the importance of assessing infidelity with methods that minimize the influence of social desirability and impression management and is another example of how inaccurate findings in this field of research can be, depending in the assessment method. More commercial sources, such as popular magazines which have conducted or reported studies on extra-marital relations, found extremely high level of extra-marital activity, peaking at 50-70%, more than double the results of scientific surveys.

This could be explained though, based on the assumption that people reading the same magazines have a sense of community and mutual understanding and may feel more encouraged to come forward about the subject. Another recent non-academic research source of data on infidelity claims to be the world’s most extensive survey on romantic relationships, polling over 100,000 people and collecting over 1 million data points. The survey was conducted in 2011 using a powerful interactive survey tool called On Q with the help of media partners The Huffington Post, Reader’s Digest, AARP, iVillage, & AOL. According to data collected:

–              33% of men and 19% of women admitted to being unfaithful

–              17% of the women who’d been sexually unfaithful and 23% of the men said it happened only once

–              36% of women and 33% of men said it happened two to five times more than 40% of unfaithful men and women had to admit that it happened more frequently

We can assert that estimates for infidelity occurrence depend greatly on the method and the media of assessment. It may be considered constructive to reference only the latest available data on the subject, keeping in mind that it being a highly sensitive topic for most people, results are prone to variations according to the method of survey.

What are the implications of a partner being caught?

As data indicates extra-marital affairs are on the rise, although many partners do not understand the impact of it on their lives and environment. Some of the implications of the affairs are:

  1. Financial

Financial implications of an extramarital affair can be significant from two perspectives.

First, as stated earlier, affairs are by no means inexpensive15 and can draw important amount of money from the family’s accounts. While a recent study puts the amount of money spent on average on an affair at $444 monthly, the number is by no means restrictive.

From previous study of online dating websites, we found out that the concept of sugar baby dating is

as a matter of fact, sexually transmitted diseases represent a real problem in present day US. CDC reports nearly 20 million cases of new sexually transmitted infections yearly, making this “a hidden epidemics”, total STD among men and women reaching 110 million.

This should be enough cause for concern for spouses who think their partners may be cheating or involved with a sex worker, not to mention the other high-risk behaviors associated with the sexual services market. Intimate involvement with persons met online can even prove to be deadly sometimes.

  1. Legal

The social and legal consequences of marital infidelity have declined with the no-fault divorce laws in the 1970s. But even with the no-fault laws, infidelity can still be considered legally in the event of a divorce.

The first issue is custody of children. While an affair in itself is usually a non-issue in considering child custody, there is one major exception. If the affair is deemed to be harmful to the children by court, this can result in losing the custody.

The second issue is alimony award. In some cases, a spouse can demand support during or after a divorce proceeding, when the spouse is unable to earn enough income to provide for basic needs. A court may deny alimony to a spouse who has committed adultery and also consider the adultery of the spouse who is asked to pay alimony, if the affair was the reason for the breakup of the marriage.

Alimony i the paying spouse’s monthly income.

 

  1. Social

The social consequences of marital infidelity are not easily determined. While the social pressure towards maintaining conventional monogamous relationships is still high, thus low tolerance for infidelity, people grow more and more tolerant of divorce.

As infidelity is a highly personal experience, for all members involved, each person might experience different effects. People who have extramarital affairs can easily lose support of their families and part of their possessions, through divorce. It is uncommon now to lose one’s job over adultery, although high-profile officials such as politicians are very susceptible to this and sometimes resign after marital incidents go public. This is probably based on the presumption of honesty on which they were elected in the first place.

Recent studies have found, however, that Americans are more tolerant of politicians involved in marital infidelity.

It is unlikely that ordinary people would suffer social consequences other than those involving the family an immediate circle of friends, after having an affair. However, more sensitive circumstances that may involve prostitution, same-sex relations, child pornography, high-profile partners or others could result in significant embarrassment and social consequences for the unfaithful spouse, if the case goes public.

For the betrayed half of the couple, things could be more complex in matter of consequences. Studies have found that the psychological reactions to infidelity combined with the shock of the acknowledgement can affect someone deeply.

Betrayal almost always brings mixed feelings, leaving the individual feeling insecure, undesirable, depressed, helpless, embarrassed, inferior or enraged. For the cheating partner, emotional response is likely to be much decreased by comparison since the person made his or her own choice about the situation. For the one being cheated, however, this deep psychological stress associated with unexpected marital infidelity can result in social isolation, job loss, illness or depression.

 

Reasons and Factors

Researchers found that susceptibility to infidelity is not at all an unpredictable event. Rather, marital satisfaction and personality characteristics show predictive relationships with infidelity. Lower marital satisfaction will translate into higher estimates of the probability that the respondent will become involved in an extramarital affair.

In regards to what low marital satisfaction means, researchers have long ago observed the distinctiveness between sexual and emotional satisfaction, and respectively, sexual and emotional infidelity. When discussing sexual vs. emotional infidelity, a common conclusion of research is that males are more likely to pursue the former, whereas females are more likely to pursue the latter.

This fact seems to be confirmed by other supportive trends in the most recent studies. The largest study to date on infidelity is recently published30 by Chapman University (Jan 2015). According to the findings, 54 percent of men vs. 35 percent of women declared to be most upset by potential sexual infidelity, while 46 percent of men vs. 65 percent of women were likely to be most upset by the prospect of emotional infidelity. People tend to be more open when talking about intimate matters if they do it voluntary, anonymously or if they do it within a community they feel familiar with.

If we consider that non-academic sources based on voluntary response lead to more accurate results,    The Normal Bar seems to be a trustworthy source of data on infidelity. Based on tens of thousands of respondents, the survey claims31 to have identified the circumstances where extramarital affairs are most likely to happen:

–              boredom – 71% of unfaithful men and 49% of the women gave into extramarital sexual temptation due to boredom

–              high sex-drive – 46% of men and 19% of women admitted to having affairs due to high sex-drive

–              circumstance – 45% of men and 26% of women in fact are attracted to friends of their partners and are tempted to act on it

–              opportunity – 36% of men and 13% of women told us that they gave in to temptation on a business trip

–              renewed old affair – 32% of women and 21% of men admitted to acting on sexual temptation with an old crush

–              revenge – 9% of men and 14% of women said it was to revenge for partner’s infidelity

 

Academic research on the reasons of marital infidelity tends to break down the causes of marital infidelity to anthropological factors, in their search for deeper understanding of humanity. Research findings are usually compressed to accommodate broader theories. For instance, a 2005 survey compresses motivations for cheating into 4 main factor groups: dissatisfaction, neglect, sex, anger. The actual indicators used for the survey were:

–              I had ‘fallen out of love with’ my steady partner

–              I wanted to end my relationship with my steady partner.

–              I wasn’t sure if my steady partner was the right person for me

–              My affair partner was more intellectually stimulating than my steady partner

–              The emotional bond I felt with my affair partner was very strong

–              I felt neglected neglected by my steady partner.

–              My steady partner was emotionally distant.

–              My steady partner wasn’t spending enough time with me.

–              I thought my relationship with my steady partner was in trouble.

–              I wanted a greater variety of sexual partners.

 

 

 

 

–              I wanted more frequent sex.

–              My steady partner had lost interest in sex

My steady partner wasn’t interested in sexual activities that I find exciting

–              I wanted to ‘get back at’ my steady partner for something he or she did

–              I wanted to prove to my steady partner that other people found me physically attractive

–             My steady partner had been unfaithful to me and I wanted to even the score.

 

 

 

Consequently, maybe the best insight into what actually drives people astray is provided by therapists speaking from working experience. Some of the reasons commonly invoked marital infidelity, regardless of gender:

–              Lack of sexual satisfaction in your primary relationship

–              Desire for additional sexual encounters

–              Lack of emotional satisfaction in your primary relationship

–              Falling out of love with your partner

–              Falling in love with someone new

–              Wanting to seek revenge

–              You’re curious and want new experiences

 

Conclusion: Whatever the reasons, causes or motivations, marital infidelity has a significant impact34 on families and lives in the US. A recent national survey found that one of the most common reason given for divorce was infidelity – in 55% of the cases.

High Profile Cases:

In 2013, Ashleymadison.com names Washington DC “America’s least faithful city” The title was based on data collected by the website, specifically the number of sign-ups per capita in 2012. D.C. had the highest total boasting 34,157 new members. The next two cities were Austin and Houston. Washington is living up to its controversial history regarding marital infidelity, with notorious examples of high-profile politicians who cheated on their wives. US presidents make no exception and there is more than Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky.

Politicians and officials have had their share of extramarital affairs that didn’t go unnoticed by the media. Anthony Weiner, a former US representative, eventually resigned from Congress in June 2011 due to sex scandal. He was involved in two online sexting scandals (before and after resignation), in which he admitted to having sent sexually explicit photos and messages to women before and during his marriage. He also said he had engaged in several inappropriate conversations conducted over Facebook, Twitter, email and occasionally on the phone36.

One of the women with whom Weiner was having online contact has actually been offered $1 million to be the new spokesperson for a website promoting infidelity: SugarDaddyforMe.com37.

In 2008, Governor Eliot Spitzer was reported to having patronized an elite escort service, the following scandal leading to Spitzer’s resignation. It was revealed that Spitzer was a regular client, identified as Client 9. A wiretap recording captured him confirming plans to have a woman travel from New York to Washington, where he had reserved a hotel room for the two of them, agreeing to pay $4,300. Later    investigations confirmed that he has spent as much as $80,000 to the escort club, going back 10 years to his time as New York state attorney general39.

Another high profile case of infidelity started online is the recent death of a Google executive, linked to a call girl contacted on SeekingArrangement.com. The woman was caught on surveillance camera injecting the victim with heroin, then leaving him after losing consciousness. She was then linked to another death by overdose.

Internet and Relationships

Technology and the internet are now part of every aspect of our lives. We go online for our every need, whether we are looking to buy tickets to a game, find a plumber, plan a vacation, connect to an old friend, research a new topic or read the latest gossip. Almost always we find ourselves browsing through lists of our interests, trying to evaluate and decide how we relate to them.

But what about companionship? Is it yet another need that the online world could successfully fulfil? As online media provide a unique environment of privacy, anonymity and unlimited access to a wide variety of interaction partners, a new market emerged.

Because there’s a market for companionship and it’s blooming in the boundless online world. Dating websites and apps that advertise safety or discreetness or perfect match-making for the rushed or stray individual seeking potential partners, seem convenient. The fact that million other users are there for the same reasons, is encouraging. This is the point where starting a relationship becomes similar to shopping online and the social platform starts to resemble an open market following the basic principles of offer and demand. And just as market demands, dating sites and apps don’t fall short of finding their own niche and making the most out of it.

Sociologists, anthropologists and therapist seem to agree that the unique combination of privacy, anonymity, and convenience that people find online may increase the likelihood that dissatisfied or bored individuals in monogamous relationships will seek out new sexual or emotional bonds with individuals they meet online. To confirm, online infidelity has been increasingly cited as a reason for divorce.

Scientists have been trying to explain internet infidelity by looking at the way it has evolved and differentiated from offline infidelity, at how it determines the development of relationships and what impact it has on offline live. All research results seem to point to a cluster of factors: accessibility, affordability, anonymity, approximation, convenience, escape, communication, collaboration, communities. All these attributes seem convergent towards a more inclusive term: flexibility.

Just as one third of married couples in US started with online dating (2005-2012), so do extramarital affairs. A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) reveals that 81% of the attorneys that participated in the study have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence for their divorce during the past 5 years, with Facebook being the leader social network, with 66% citing it as a primary source for divorce.

Getting in contact with another like-minded person or simply trading sex online is now done with just a few clicks. The widespread availability of the Internet has redefined the limitations of the sex market, social and spatial. New media emerged quickly for both advertisement and solicitation. Advertising websites such as Backpage.com, Eros.com, Redbook.com, Craigslist.com, CityVibe.com, SoWet.com, SeekingArrangement.com and even locally based advertisement websites make the sex market much more accessible to clients than in the past. Some sex businesses flourished into open escort business, complete with online catalogs, rating systems and reservations. These websites usually allow customers to browse and compare the profiles, photographs, and prices of large numbers of sex workers in ways that were not possible through older methods of solicitation. With everything out in the open, the risky decision of extra-marital affairs seems easier to take and much quicker.

Almost 170,000 Houston men, more than 21% percent of the adult male population, solicit prostitutes from online sex advertisements, according to a novel study of 15 U.S. cities by Arizona State University.

 

Extramarital Affairs Sites

Online dating as a solution47 to finding compatible partners through technology comes to near 2 decades of history. In the mid 90s websites such as Americansingles.com, Perfectmatch.com, Eharmony.com, and Lavalife.com had millions of registered users in the United States. The dating services market evolved naturally in smaller and smaller affinity groups such as Jdate.com (for Jewish men and women), christiandate.com, catholicsingles.com, and HappyBuddhist.com, fitsingles.com, equestriansingles.com, seniorsingles.com and GayWired.com.

It is not surprising that over the last years, some of these sites have been targeting married people looking for a discreet affair. A quick Google search for “sites for cheating” returns countless articles rating websites that not only encourage infidelity, but make discovering it much more difficult. Married men and women can easily connect and keep in touch discreetly, without having to use the phone, mobile, email or chat rooms.

Using an alias instead of the real name is usually enough measure to protect one’s anonymity. Such sites are specifically developed to support and encourage extramarital affairs, making a point of assuring total discreetness and safety to users.

 

With slogans like “Life is short, have an affair” for men and “When divorce isn’t an option” for women,

these websites couldn’t be more clear about what they’re offering. (via www.ashleymadison.com)

Functionally speaking, these websites can be divided into at least 4 distinct categories:

 

–              pay-to-play websites – that promote relationships in return for various form of payment

–              play-not-pay websites – that promote discreet consensual relationships

–              conventional dating websites – that put people in contact without setting the context

–              adult websites – that allow members to trade sex services in return for money

 

If you think you maybe cheated upon let us at Silvania Investigative Services assist you in learning the truth of the matter so can make an informed decision in deciding the future of your life.